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Freshman Adventures: The Pool and the Couch (Pt. 1)

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  • Freshman Adventures: The Pool and the Couch (Pt. 1)

    (Chronologically, this takes place before Dennis meets Brie. October of his freshman year).

    Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.

    This particular desperate measure was the time in November when I realized I had a test coming up for my History of Communications class that I didn't know a damn thing about. I was acing tests in my other classes, but this one was on a Friday morning and when I didn't find myself missing it, I came in hungover, stoned or a combination of both. The things the teacher said flew in and out of my brain like an incompetent bacteria. I'd already been warned about my dismal grade in an e-mail. Yet I still didn't give a fuck.

    I'd also been on a dry spell since turning nineteen. I woke up on Friday morning realizing I hadn't been laid in nine days. That's an unacceptable time to go without for me. The Kleenexes were piling up; the video of Janis had gotten old. But I wasn’t going to class

    I was going to have fun that night. I texted Dirk and told him I'd be able to come to his cocktail party. I asked him how many bitches would be there and he said he was working on rounding up at least ten. Good. Not a sausage fest. A Dennis victory.

    First, I celebrated by going to the local gym (not the one at school) and lifted the forty-pound weights. I looked at myself in the mirror and liked what I saw. I found the pool door open and jumped in with just my boxers on. The poorly mustachioed trainer came in and told me I couldn't be there. I pretended not to hear him. When he said he was going to get the manager I took a leak in the water. It felt warm and wonderful.

    I got out, dried myself off and politely greeted the manager as he stormed in with his employee. I explained that his employee was being alarmingly rude. I had agreed to leave the pool and he'd still insisted on getting the manager.

    “It isn't true, it's bullshit, it is not true!” Squeaked Stache Wagger to my right.

    The manager on my left looked from me to him and didn't know who to believe.

    “Well sir, we still do have this section closed off for today. You will unfortunately have to leave.”

    “Yes, of course, right away, let me just get my shoes on.”

    I took a long time in the hallway to put my shoes back on. I wanted to see the look of rage on the employee's face. The look was there, but he crossed the line: at about second 75 of putting on my first shoe, he grabbed my shoulder and said,

    “Listen buddy-“

    I go in to attack mode at this shit. I spun around and elbowed his face against the wall.

    “Hey! Sir!”

    The manager was upon me. What he didn’t know was that my uppercut is vicious. It’s something I learned from all the fight in the Boy’s Home. In another second his head was knocked back and blood spurted from his nose.

    “Ah! Fuck!” I heard the manager unprofessionally yell.

    I grabbed my other shoe and bolted down the hall. I heard them both running after me.

    “Somebody stop that guy!” one of them shouted.

    I made it out the back entrance and ran across the parking lot and across the street just in time. I didn't wait for the stop light. I didn't even look. Fuck the cars. They waited for me.

    Somebody stop me indeed.


  • #2
    Which one is better? 18 or 19? At 18, you are still on senior high and you could not do much about life. At 19, you could do much more, but I guess that 21 would be the best.


    • veggieperker
      veggieperker commented
      Editing a comment
      It depends on what age you are or what age you wanted to do such stuff. But the possibilities are endless if you've started doing much when you're around 18.

    • lipspotatochips
      lipspotatochips commented
      Editing a comment
      veggieperker In most states, there are lesser things that you could do at age 18.

  • #3
    Good thing that Dennis was not bumped. How I wish that he was just bumped head on and died instantly. Lol.


    • BabyPie
      BabyPie commented
      Editing a comment
      This is a story. You would not kill the main actor prematurely. Lol.

    • nyctophilia
      nyctophilia commented
      Editing a comment
      I wish there were stories like the main character would die instantly while in the middle of the story. Of course, the story would end abruptly. I have not seen any story that was like so.

  • #4
    It has only been nine days since you got laid yet you already consider yourself in a dry spell? Some people tend to not get laid for years!


    • Airphylab
      Airphylab commented
      Editing a comment
      What can you expect from a sexually active character like Dennis? Some people cannot last days or a week of no sexual encounters. Yes, that is true.

    • mitchyLL
      mitchyLL commented
      Editing a comment
      Same thoughts here too, PearBear. Ah, typical sexual men like Dennis are the types of guys that I usually despise. I know that they're always up for some trouble.

    • stickyyhen
      stickyyhen commented
      Editing a comment
      Maybe he considered himself in a dry spell after not getting laid for 9 days because he used to get laid everyday. Lucky Dennis!

  • #5
    Are all girls who go to those cocktail parties all bitches? Well, maybe some, but definitely not all. It is wrong to generalize that all of them are bitches.


    • Gotchya
      Gotchya commented
      Editing a comment
      They're all just having a good time but most ladies there could be expecting to have hookups by the end of the night, if not, then it's okay, so they shouldn't be labeled as bitches just to be fair lol.

    • percymercy
      percymercy commented
      Editing a comment
      clumsygirl since you've asked then yes. Those girls would intentionally drink all they want till they can't take it any more just so they can get laid by the end of the night. Well, aren't we all?

  • #6
    So, what about the History of Communications? I guess that Dennis did not pass the exam. Lol.


    • listlisa
      listlisa commented
      Editing a comment
      By the looks of it, he did not. Poor Dennis; he failed again on his subjects.

    • TeaStory
      TeaStory commented
      Editing a comment
      listlisa how is Dennis that poor? I think he wanted to live his life that way. It depends on him if he's going to take his studies seriously or not but it looks like this kid ain't going nowhere since he chose to live that kind of life.

  • #7
    Why do you refer to women as bitches? I think that is super rude. And I do think that you should have some sort of respect.


    • scissorssole
      scissorssole commented
      Editing a comment
      He grew up in that way. He sees women as bitches. That is common for people who had gone to various hard times in life as a child.

    • Yummytron
      Yummytron commented
      Editing a comment
      @scissorsole But I'm sure that Dennis might change anytime soon right? I mean, he shouldn't stay that way. I believe that he might change someday but now is not yet the right time for him, I think.

    • vixenvicky
      vixenvicky commented
      Editing a comment
      I agree with you, loveME. Dennis shouldn't have called women as bitches. Aside from it is offensive, it is outright disrespectful as well.

  • #8
    Sorry, but who is Janis? Is this a character from the previous stories?


  • #9
    Ahh typical Dennis, always out there looking for trouble. Such a troubled character but hey, who doesn't love a bad boy like Dennis, huh? We've all encountered a different versions of Dennis in our lives. They're up to no good but we'd always want to stick around and look for danger as well.


    • guana
      guana commented
      Editing a comment
      If we like some adventures, then yes. Having bad boys are fun, no doubt. But, I know that those bad boys would not do anything good to anyone.

    • butterflyanxious
      butterflyanxious commented
      Editing a comment
      TrickyTasty you got that one right. We all love a little bit of thrill and excitement, that is why we'd usually choose bad boys over good boys. Bad boys will take you almost anywhere and it would be hella fun if you'd tried hanging out with a bad boy once in your life.

  • #10
    If I were the manager, I would also do the same. Fucking shit damn kid.


    • monsterjunk
      monsterjunk commented
      Editing a comment
      Let it pass, that dude Dennis has been dealing with a lot of issues, well that is if you'd get him back to his therapist.